2005-09-19 - 12:47 p.m.
Maybe you wonder what it is like to work at Dillard’s. . . it all seems so glamorous and exciting. I mean who hasn’t wondered?? Except for Orangeslush, she has already experienced the magic that comes from wearing the gold Dillard’s nametag. For the rest of the world, you could only dream. Up until now. Well dream no more, let me take you on a journey.
Step 1:
Before the day can even begin, the all important Dillard’s-approved wardrobe choice must be made. Shoes can be either 1) open-toed only if closed in the back or 2) open-backed only if closed-toed in the front. See, it’s already getting complicated.
Step 2:
30 minutes to get to work. Notice the high quality sound system in my car. Be jealous.
Step 3:
I really wanted a good picture of this store. Unfortunately this giant ass truck pulled up. They have a sign on the window that says “We have pigs”. Live pigs? I’m intrigued, but not quite enough to go inside. If you buy a sandwich at this store, you may be insane.
Step 4:
Traffic – welcome to Florida!
If you look closely you can see The Waffle House, The Days Inn, and Bliss Cabaret. So on the way to Dillard’s you can get some flapjacks, a bed, and a stripper. 
Step 5:
Drive over long ass bridge.
Step 6:
Arrive at mall. Wait at this stoplight for approximately 37 minutes.
Step 7:
The promised land
Step 8:
Not so fast, this is where you go in.
Step 9:
Welcome to Terror Dome (the Men’s department on a Saturday)
Step 10-737:
It gets worse. The Dockers. Oh the horror.
Step 11, 17, 24
Break time. Notice the luxurious break area provided to Dillard’s employees. Again, be prepared to BE JEALOUS.
Step 12
Back to pants mania
Step 13
Lunch! So many choices . . . 
Step 14
And the winner is . . . 
Step Repeat Until you Die
One last shot for all to enjoy – notice they are BIG MAN!
Now you have lived through a Dillard’s day. You’re probably feeling dizzy, maybe you’ve lost the will to live a little bit, maybe you need a nap. These are all normal feelings. Go with it.
